So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize