i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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