She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
