If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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