If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
