and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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