So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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