mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
no you cant smoke seaweed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
