I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
