god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
