I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
