Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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