No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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