I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My vagina just recognized that song.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
