he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
