That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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