And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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