dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
