atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
