shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
