I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
