If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
