Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
