dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
