party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
