Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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