If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
