God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
