I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
