Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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