She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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