Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
