Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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