its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
