I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
