So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
