So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
