I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
