we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
