I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
