i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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