She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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