captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
