we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
