Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
