Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
