Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
