i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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