I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
