dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
