At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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