I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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