if i can run in heels then i can drive
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
