jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
