i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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