I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
