I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
only you would photoshop your dick
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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