mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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