Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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