Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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