Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize