she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
