im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize