WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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